Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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