What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
