Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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