i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
