I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
