omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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