dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
