So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
