hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
