She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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