We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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