Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
50% drunk capacity currently
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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