The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
