dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
