I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
