it's too hot outside to masturbate.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
