if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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