just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she peed on how many people?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
