I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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