dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
