i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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