i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
