I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
