it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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