Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
