people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
