would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
