the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
