Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
