Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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