3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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