My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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