I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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