my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
