I think I died a long time ago.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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