farters have to be the big spoon...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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