Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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