just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
