Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
