Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Mom said you looked used
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
