They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
