oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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