Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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