doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
