Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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