Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
