You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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