Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
