I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
