he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drunk is a universal language darling
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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