My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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