when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
