now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
