Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
