Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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