my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
