he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
