I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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