I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Never underestimate the power of titties
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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