I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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