im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
