You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
