The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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