so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
