I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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