I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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