she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
