I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
